


There, Where My Heart Has Settled Long Ago

by evol_love



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cynthia Murphy/Heidi Hansen, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Michael Lee Brown!Evan, connor and zoe are evan's step siblings, set in an AU where cynthia and heidi are married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 06:49:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12978417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evol_love/pseuds/evol_love
Summary: Jackson has just recently started dating Connor, and he not only wants to get this right, but wants to be friends with Connor's family, too. Luckily Connor's brother, Evan, has been dating his best friend Jared for awhile now - hopefully he can solicit some advice from two seasoned pros.





	There, Where My Heart Has Settled Long Ago

**Author's Note:**

> Jackson Wayne is the collective OC of myself, phonecallfromgod, and euphrasiefauchelevent. He appears in many of our fics and is someone we created together, and we ask that you ask us first before using him in your own works. Thanks! If you like him (and I hope you do, because I adore him), check out my recently published fic Anyway, Here's Wagonwheel, and look out for some more fics featuring him in the future!
> 
> This fic is set in my favorite universe, also a creation of me, phonecallfromgod, and euphrasiefauchelevent. We refer to it as the "cool moms" verse, an au where Cynthia divorced Larry while Connor and Zoe were in middle school/early high school and married Heidi a few years later. This takes place during Connor, Evan, Jared, and Jackson's senior year and Zoe's junior year. There ABSOLUTELY will be more fic of mine (and of theirs) set in this AU. 
> 
> Enjoy! Comments are always appreciated and will only encourage more Kleinsen, Jackson/Connor, and Cool Moms content, so. 
> 
> Title is from "Far From the Home I Love" from Fiddler On the Roof.

**1.**

Jackson had hung out at Connor’s house a million times before they started dating. They would go after dance class and watch movies, or make snacks, or just to talk. He’d gotten to know the place pretty well, but he’d had less time with the people inside it. He knows now that Connor had very deliberately been trying to keep Jackson away from them because, quote, “I didn’t want them to scare you away. Or realize how cool you were and steal you from me.” It’s flattering truly, and Jackson still feels a little dizzy whenever he remembers that Connor had a crush on him for so long before they got together, but they _are_ together now, and Jackson wants to get to know the people Connor loves. Wants to figure out how he fits in that special, select group.

He _loves_ Connor’s moms. They’ve been incredibly kind every time he’s come over, offering up baked goods and words of encouragement like it’s their job. Knowing them, it really makes sense how Connor (and his siblings, for that matter) turned out so well. Love and support are the first words that come to mind whenever he thinks about the Mrs Hansens (they’d insisted he call them Heidi and Cynthia, but he’d been raised with a healthy respect of his elders, especially when they’re the parents of the boy he really, really likes). 

Then there’s Zoe. Zoe tends to be hanging about whenever Jackson’s over, and they’ve had plenty of great conversations about this tv show or that dramatic pop culture news item. They’ve talked music and sports and which Cheez-It flavor is superior, and while he definitely wants to get to know her better, he feels like they have at least the start of a good, fun friendship. Their conversations are natural, easy, and he’s gotten quite good at reading her mood. 

But then there’s Evan. Evan seems incredibly nice, and he’s heard plenty of great stories about him from Connor and Zoe, but he’s hardly ever around for Jackson to talk to because he’s always spending time with Jared. It had taken a bit for Jackson to catch on that Jared was Evan’s boyfriend, but after a few tales about their antics from Connor and a few glimpses of them in Evan’s room or on the couch downstairs, he’d put two and two together. They’re sweet. And Jackson wants not only to get to know his boyfriend’s brother better, but to get to know his boyfriend’s brother’s boyfriend better. He thinks he and Jared have enough in common to start up a conversation - they’re dating brothers, they both have ‘J’ names. Surely there are other things too. He’s determined to at least _try_ and get this friendship going. 

He gets an opportunity when he arrives at Connor’s house one Friday night to pick up Connor for a date. When he rings the doorbell, he’s greeted by Zoe, who tells him Connor just got out of the shower so would probably be another half hour at least. 

“You know Connor,” she says, rolling her eyes but grinning all the same. “He’s fussy.”

Jackson had a vague idea of this based on the sheer volume of beauty products in Connor’s room and bathroom, not to mention his employment at Lush, but honestly he has no idea what Connor’s post-shower routine is like. All he knows is that suddenly he wants to know, wants to know all of Connor’s habits and little quirks, what his favorite products are and the steps he has set for himself. He wants to know all the details that make up Connor Murphy. 

“Feel free to come chill with us in the living room, we’re just criticizing people on _House Hunters.”_ Zoe says, walking back to where she’d presumably been lounging in a big armchair, eyes moving back to the tv. As he steps into the room, he sees Jared and Evan on the sofa together, Jared in the middle of yelling at the prospective homeowners onscreen. 

“Holy _shit_ if I hear the word ‘mancave’ one more time...”

“Isn’t man cave two words?” Evan asks with a frown, turning to look at Jared. 

“It should be _no_ words,” Jared says dismissively, eyes still glued to the show. “I don’t know why this couple is bothering buying a house together when clearly their marriage is on the rocks _at best._ ” Zoe snorts. 

“Yeah when your dealbreaker must-have is the one thing your wife says she hates, maybe you should have an actual conversation instead of going on television,” she says. 

There’s a loud beep in the kitchen suddenly, and Jared says, “Oh, there’s the popcorn.” He turns to look at Evan expectantly. 

“Oh _fine,”_ Evan sighs after a moment, getting up to go get their food from the kitchen. Jared beams after him.

“You remind me of my brother Ivan,” Jackson offers, hoping he’s not being a total dork. “He always gets super invested in HGTV.”

“This is my ESPN,” Jared says, smiling at Jackson. “No offense.”

“None taken.” He casts about for something else to say. “Connor’s been trying to watch hockey with me recently, but mostly he just sits next to me and does his nails.”

Jared groans. “That’s so _gay._ ”

“Yeah, that’s kinda how it works,” Zoe says. 

“We should go on a double date some time!” Jackson says, feeling triumphant. It’s a natural subject change _and_ an invitation to hang out in the future. It’s a great way to get to know Evan and Jared better. He’d pat himself on the back if that wasn’t super douchey. 

Jared hums. “If _only_ I had a boyfriend to bring on such a date.”

Jackson cracks up. God, Jared is _funny._

“Sure, sure,” Jackson agrees, still laughing. “But yeah, let me know!”

Jared raises an eyebrow. “Sure. Will do.”

Evan returns with a large purple bowl of popcorn (“Aw, my favorite,” Jared coos) and settles back down into his place by Jared. Jackson’s about to say something, though he’s not sure what, when Connor comes down the stairs. 

“Hey, sorry, sorry, I totally lost track of time, I didn’t mean to keep you waiting,” Connor says in a rush.

“No worries, I’ve been hanging out with these guys.”

“Connor, Jackson’s my favorite,” Zoe calls, and Jackson feels himself flush even as he chuckles. It’s nice knowing Connor’s family likes him. 

“That’s fair,” Connor agrees. “He’s my favorite too.”

“Gross,” Jared says loudly, just as Jackson leans in to give Connor a quick kiss. 

“We’re leaving,” Connor yells back. “Don’t wait up!” He takes Jackson’s hand and heads for the door. 

“Fuck you!” is Zoe’s reply. “Have fun, you crazy kids!” is Jared’s.

**2.**

Jackson is totally stuck on what to do for Valentine’s Day. He and Connor have only been dating for a few months, and he definitely doesn’t want to come on too strong or go totally overboard and make Connor feel bad when he doesn’t do anything. He’s browsed a billion different websites and Buzzfeed articles and Yahoo answers forums, but nothing really felt right. Nothing really felt like _Connor._ And as much as he doesn’t want to go too big or way too overbearingly “I’m in this for the long haul,” he also doesn’t want to just do nothing. Connor deserves something good. He just doesn’t know what yet. 

Evan comes to the mall one day when Jackson’s working. He’s pretty sure Evan’s not here to say hi to him in American Eagle, but it’s nice to see him all the same. 

“Hey Evan!” 

“Oh! Uh, hi.” Evan fidgets with the hem of his shirt, shuffles a little. It’s a very Connor move, honestly. “I wasn’t sure if you were working today.”

“Well, here I am,” Jackson says brightly. He wants to say more but is quickly whisked away by a woman demanding access to fitting rooms for her three daughters. He counts items, unlocks doors, puts people where they need to go, and when he glances up Evan is still there, browsing t-shirts. “Finding everything okay?” he asks, with perhaps a touch of melodrama. 

“Oh, yeah, no, I’m really just, there’s not really anything I need? I’m just sort of looking. I’m here with my moms, they had a bunch of shopping to do for some family get-together that’s coming up.”

“Aw that’s nice, I hope they come by here so I can say hi.” 

Evan smiles. “I’m sure they will.” He looks back at the rack of button-ups he’d been aimlessly perusing. “I think Jared buys like half his clothes here. Or, well, I think Jared’s mom buys like half his clothes here. This all looks like his stuff.”

Jackson thinks it’s unbelievably cute that Evan recognizes Jared’s clothes on store racks. And not even just things he actually _owns,_ just, what stuff looks like Jared. He wonders if he and Connor will ever get to that level of just knowing each other. He hopes so. 

“Hey, this is maybe kind of a weird question, or, at least, kind of random,” Jackson says suddenly. He’s unsure when he gave his mouth permission to just say whatever he was thinking, but sure, okay. Evan is looking at him attentively enough, eyes bright and interested, clothing shelves forgotten. “So like...do you have any idea what I should do for Connor for Valentine’s Day? I just thought since, you know, you’re his brother, you know him, you know what he likes, I thought maybe you’d know?”

Evan scrunches up his face in thought. “I’m not really the best person to um, ask that, unfortunately. I don’t really, uh, I don’t do much for Valentine’s Day anyway, I’ve never. It’s never really been my thing? Last year I had to work on Valentine’s Day, actually, but Jared took me to lunch because working holidays sucks.”

“Aww, that’s nice.” He’s not _panicking_ exactly, but Valentine’s Day is only a week away and he doesn’t even have a vague plan. 

Evan must sense his worry, because he offers up, “You should um, take Connor to a bookstore. He can spend hours there, when we go as a family we’re all always ready to leave before he is. And if you go to like, like Barnes and Noble or something, he uh, you can get coffee? And stuff?”

“Evan you’re a _genius_ ,” Jackson says emphatically. “Oh my god that’s _perfect_ , thank you!” 

He beams, like he wasn’t totally sure Jackson would go for his idea, like he’s delighted to have actually been helpful, that his suggestion is going to be used. 

“Yeah, no, I’m glad I could help.” He checks his phone and sighs. “I have to go, I’m apparently uh, I’m needed at Claire’s? Which is...very frightening.” 

Jackson laughs. “Well, good luck with that. And hey, if I don’t see you, I hope you and Jared have a great Valentine’s Day.”

“Oh,” Evan looks surprised at this. “Thank you, I’ll um, I’ll be sure to tell him you said that.”

He watches Evan leave for a second before a customer comes up to him demanding the sale price of a clearance rack of jeggings, and he wonders if this was the breakthrough he needed to finally consider himself friends with Evan Hansen.

**3.**

They’re not fighting. This isn’t a fight. It’s just. Sometimes Jackson has no fucking clue what to do to help Connor, how to say what he needs to hear and do what he needs to feel supported. He tries. Usually he succeeds. But not today, clearly, and Connor won’t tell him what he’s done wrong or what he needs or what’s going on and Jackson is so frustrated he could fucking cry. He doesn’t even know how to begin to solve this one. Yahoo answers is significantly less helpful when it comes to “my boyfriend is having an episode and won’t talk to me.”

He’s been lying back on his bed, staring at the ceiling, checking his phone every couple of seconds (nothing from Connor), wondering what the fuck he can do at this point when suddenly it comes to him. He sits up and scrolls through his contacts quickly, hitting call. 

“Hello?”

“Hey Jared,” Jackson says, suddenly nervous. He’s not sure how to ask this, if this is overstepping or far too personal for the level of friendship he and Jared are on. “Sorry to bother you.”

“It’s fine, I’m not really doing anything. What’s up?”

“So uh...sorry, maybe this is weird.”

“...This isn’t a sex thing, is it? If you break Connor’s heart there are so many people in line to kill you.”

“What? No! No! I wouldn’t do that to Connor, I lo-like. I like him very much. And I know you wouldn’t do that to Evan.”

There’s a long pause on the other end. “Uh. Sure?”

“So like...I don’t want to like, be invasive or overstep here, but Connor’s told me a bit about how Evan deals with some mental illness...stuff...too?” The words feel clumsy on his tongue, too big for his mouth.

“Yeah...” Jared’s voice is guarded. Jackson can’t blame him.

“How do you, how do you help him if he won’t tell you what’s wrong?”

A pause. 

“Is this about Connor?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry, I can hang up right now and we can just leave it, but I thought maybe you’d understand and be able to help? It sounds dumb now.”

“No, no, I totally get it.” There’s a muffled sound on the other end, maybe Jared scrubbing a hand through his hair or down his face to try and collect his thoughts. “So, Evan and Connor kind of...I mean, they’re different, obviously. But I’ll do my best. What’s going on?”

“So Connor and I were supposed to go do stuff today but he texted me this morning to cancel because he wasn’t feeling well, which is fine of course, I totally get it. So I texted back saying it was okay and asking if he needed anything or wanted me to come by or something, and then he said, like, ‘I’m not a baby’ or whatever which felt really out of left field, and it made me kind of catch on that he wasn’t talking about not feeling well physically, so I said something like, I know that but I want to help you and then he got all upset and told me he wanted ‘space’ so I stopped texting him because I didn’t want to make him feel worse and now I don’t know what to do.” He realizes he’s been rambling, has been getting himself worked up, but he doesn’t realize he’s on the verge of tears until suddenly his throat is too tight to keep speaking. 

Jared must sense how upset he is (that or he could hear how strained Jackson’s voice had gotten, how choked and gaspy) because he quickly cuts in, “Whoa, whoa, easy. Take a deep breath.” Jackson does. It maybe clears his head a tiny bit, but he still feels absolutely wretched. “Hey, it’s okay. I know how scary this shit can be. God, sometimes I talk to Evan and I have no idea what I’m doing, and I _hate_ that, but we get through it. You will too.”

“Okay.”

Jared’s voice is gentle. “Listen, I know Connor said he wants space right now, but maybe try reaching out again? Sometimes Evan does the ‘I don’t want to bother you’ thing when all he really wants is for people to actually listen to him.”

“Oh.” Jackson considers this. “It’s just, I guess, when I say I need space I actually want it?” 

Jared laughs. “You’re the most straightforward person I’ve ever met. How on earth did you get roped into this group of people? Anyway. Just try and let Connor know like, you care about him and you’re there if he wants you there, you know? And you know Connor, he gets weird and moody. Don’t let it scare you off.”

“It won’t, of course it won’t,” Jackson protests quickly. 

“Hey, I’m not _accusing_ you, I’m just saying. He’s not always easy to get along with. Sometimes you have to put in a lot of work. But just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s not worth it, you know?” Jackson’s not 100% sure they’re talking about Connor anymore, but that’s alright. 

“Evan’s really lucky he has you,” he tells Jared sincerely. He can’t figure out what Jared’s pause means, whether he’s said too much or Jared’s just a private person, or easily flustered, or Jackson doesn’t know what. 

“Thanks,” Jared says at last. “And hey, I’m sorry shit’s weird right now. I’m sure it will work out okay in the end.”

“Thanks Jared,” he says with a smile, hanging up. 

Of course, the advice is easy enough to hear, but actually having to do something about it is a whole other thing. 

He drafts three separate texts to Connor before realizing he’s an idiot and just getting in his car. If Connor doesn’t want to see him, then fine, he can hang out with the others if they want to, but he should at least try. What better way is there to show Connor he wants to be there for him however he can be than actually being there? 

His hand shakes slightly when he rings the doorbell. He only rings it once even though he’s always had this irrational fear of doorbells not working for him. He always hits doorbells three times, because surely one out of the three will work, at least one will come through and let someone know he’s here, he’s here, and he won’t be stuck outside waiting forever, wondering if they simply didn’t hear him or if they just don’t want him inside. 

He hits the doorbell once. 

The door opens after only a minute. It’s Mrs. Hansen - Heidi - looking exhausted. 

“Hey Jackson,” she says, cheerfully enough for how wiped out she seems. “I suppose you know Connor’s not having a great day.” Jackson’s heart sinks. If she looks this tired because she’s trying to help Connor, he’s clearly doing worse than Jackson had thought. 

“Yeah, he and I were talking a bit earlier and he seemed like he was having a rough time. He might...he might not want to see me,” he takes a second to catch his breath because he doesn’t need to cry, not in front of Connor’s mom, not when this isn’t even about him. “But I just thought I’d come by to check on him, let him know I’m around if he wants me to be. Is that alright?”

Heidi looks like she might cry herself. “That’s wonderful. Do you want to go up to his room?”

“Maybe- maybe could you let him know I’m here? I don’t want to upset him more if he doesn’t want me here. I wasn’t really invited.”

She nods. “Of course. Come inside though, please, it’s cold out.” He does, swiping his shoes on the welcome mat and settling himself uneasily in the first chair the living room has to offer. “I’ll be right down,” she tells him, heading off to tell Connor Jackson’s here. God. Maybe this was a really stupid idea, maybe he’s totally crossing boundaries and being way too clingy and he should just leave now before Mrs. Hansen can come back to tell him Connor doesn’t want to see him, that he wants Jackson to just leave him alone, that maybe they should take a break, fuck. His heart is pounding so erratically Jackson wonders how long he can sustain it by the time she returns. “Well, go on,” she says, shooing him. 

“Oh.” He swallows. He’d been expecting it but it still hurts. He bites his lip, nodding. “Okay, well, tell him I’m sorry for being weird and I’ll back off, I’ll see him in class on-”

“Jackson honey, I meant go on up to Connor.”

“What?”

“Well I’ve already told him you’re here, don’t make me be the one to disappoint him.”

“ _What?”_

“Honey are you feeling okay yourself?” She looks concerned now.

“No- I mean yes, yeah, I’m fine, I just. He wanted to see me?”

“He did. He does,” she confirms. 

“Okay.” He feels dazed, barely comprehending anything around him as he climbs the stairs to the second floor, pausing in front of Connor’s door to reflect on how surreal this all feels, suddenly. Something as ordinary as knocking on his boyfriend’s door and calling softly, “Hey Con?”

“You can come in. Door’s not locked.” Jackson feels like this is some kind of test, but he doesn’t know the answer. True, false, C, none of the above. It could be anything. He opens the door. 

Connor’s lights are off, blinds closed, and he’s lying facedown in bed. None of this is an especially good sign, but he presses on. 

“Hey. I don’t want to bug you if you want to sleep or anything, I just wanted to check up on you.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“Well, I wanted to.”

He’s at Connor’s side now, wants to sit on the side of the bed and talk but isn’t sure whether that’s encroaching on Connor’s territory. He knows how Connor is about personal space, personal boundaries. He may still not know what’s going on, but he does know he needs to tread very carefully here. Instead of settling on Connor’s bed, he opts to sit on the floor beside it, his back pressed up against Connor’s nightstand. 

Connor is mostly buried under his duvet, his face half pressed into his pillow, the blankets pulled up almost entirely over his head. He’s not looking at Jackson; he’s not looking at anything, really.

“Did something happen?”

Connor snorts. “No. Sometimes my brain just doesn’t feel like working.”

“We all need a break sometimes,” Jackson says diplomatically. Connor retreats further into his cave of blankets. 

“Yeah, well, my breaks aren’t very nice, so,” Connor snaps. 

“I know. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do to help you?”

Connor makes a motion that might be a shrug. It’s hard to tell with the blankets piled on top of him. 

“If you don’t want me here, I can go, okay? I don’t want to make you feel like you have to talk to me or anything if you just want to rest or be alone or whatever.”

“Sure. If you want.”

“Connor, come on.” It comes out harsher than he meant it too, and he winces. He might have already ruined things. Incredible. “Just- just _tell_ me if you want me to leave. Or if you want me to stay. Either way. This isn’t about whether or not I care about you or want to help, because _of course_ I do, I’m here. If me being here isn’t helping, I’ll leave because I want whatever’s best for you, okay? I need you to help me help you, Connor, I can’t read your mind or figure out the answers when you’re testing me like that. Help me help you.”

The air feels tense, but he may just be projecting.

“I’m sorry,” Connor says after a long moment, his voice watery. “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be totally awful, I’m sorry.” He sniffs, sniffs again, and Jackson can hear the moment where he starts properly crying. 

“Oh Connor,” he says softly, standing again, tentatively placing a hand on Connor’s back. “You’re not being awful. Not at all. I know stuff is hard, but we’ll figure it out, okay? You and me. We’ll figure it out together.”

“I just...I know it’s not _fair_ to get all insecure and moody and just assume you're going to run away when I get difficult, I know that, but I can't help it.”

“It's not your fault. Your brain isn't always the nicest to you.”

Connor’s still crying, but he manages to say, “God, I really didn’t want you to see me like this, like, six months in. Or ever.”

“Seven.”

“Hmm?” 

“We’ve been dating seven months.”

He can practically hear Connor doing the mental math.

“Oh. Shit. That’s...god I don’t want to be one of those couples, but uh.” He sniffles again. “Happy seven months. Sorry I suck.”

“Don’t say that, you don’t suck.”

“Hmmm...”

“Connor, I mean it.”

After a moment, which Jackson guesses is spent collecting himself enough to stop crying, Connor turns over on his side, pulls the covers down so he can really look at Jackson. His eyes are still a bit wet, Jackson can see even in the dark, but he looks like he’s calmed down somewhat. 

“Are you sure you like me?” he asks. It’s mostly a joke but there’s enough truth, enough vulnerability in it that Jackson doesn’t even hesitate before telling Connor, “Yes. I’m sure.”

“Okay. Um. Good,” Connor says. “I like you too.”

“Oh thank god.” Connor laughs and Jackson’s heart swoops. Did he actually manage to not ruin this?

“You can-” Connor cuts himself off, looks away. He seems...embarrassed?

“What? What do you need?”

“It’s not really a _need_.”

“Con-nor,” he says, sing-songy, voice light. “Please just tell me. I’m not going to say anything, I just want to help.”

Connor sighs. “You can. Join me here. If you want.”

“Oh!” Jackson doesn’t have to be told twice. He knows how to do this part. He kicks his shoes off next to the bed, then climbs in next to Connor. Connor immediately burrows closer to him, so Jackson throws an arm around him, pulls him in, and Connor goes willingly. “ _This_ I can definitely manage.” Connor doesn't say anything, but Jackson can feel his heartbeat, the way he holds onto Jackson, and he’s pretty fucking sure he got this bit right. 

“This is nice,” Connor says at last, hardly even a whisper. Jackson rubs his back.

Time seems to stretch out and stop all at once, working in their favor to give them this suspended moment until, eventually, Mrs. Hansen - Cynthia, this time - knocks softly on the door and calls, “Dinner’s ready, boys. Connor sweetheart, you don't need to come down if you're not feeling up to it, I can bring you up a plate in a little bit.” 

“Thanks, Mrs. Hansen,” Jackson says, because Connor’s not responding. “Hey. Do you want to go down for dinner?” The silence stretches around them like a perfect mirror of the duvet currently covering them.

“Yeah. I guess I’d be up for it.” Jackson beams even though he knows Connor can’t see it.

“Yeah? I'm proud of you,” he says, pressing a kiss to Connor’s neck. Connor shivers. 

“Are you going to stay?” His voice sounds a bit shaky. Jackson can feel in the way Connor is suddenly tense that he _wants_ , 

that he wants Jackson to give him the right answer. He’s being tested again, kind of, but Connor really is giving him the option this time around. Luckily the choice is obvious.

“I’m staying as long as you want me to. I’m not missing out on family dinner.” Connor chuckles, kissing his cheek, kissing it again. 

“Good.”

*****

Dinner isn't anything too fussy or special, but the look on Cynthia’s face when the two of them appear at the table is the best thing in the world. Jackson feels like he’s won something, and maybe he has. Connor’s mom(s) liking him is the best prize he can imagine. Perhaps with the exception of Connor himself liking him. The conversation at the table is pleasant, easy, and Connor shoots him more than one grateful look when he manages to deflect attention on Connor to himself. It’s fun, actually. 

“I think this calls for Dairy Queen,” Heidi says as people are finishing up, and Zoe whoops. 

“Can I invite Jared?” Evan asks quickly, which is precious, and his mom assures him that yes, of course he can. Evan smiles and pulls his phone out, happily typing out a message to his boyfriend. 

*****

Evan and Jared are laughing at each other’s ice cream orders and watching children run around and yell at each other in the in-store play place. Jackson doesn't want to intrude, but he _does_ want to thank Jared, and when Zoe, Connor, and Evan are called over by their moms (he thinks Cynthia might have gotten some random patron to take a family photo of the five of them, which is so fucking cute), he takes the chance presented to him.

“Hey, thanks for earlier. I was uh, I was feeling kinda rough, but you helped a lot, and obviously it paid off.”

Jared smiles easily, shrugs off the praise. “I’ve had a lot of practice,” he says, looking just past Jackson to where Evan is blushing between his brother and his sister, clearly embarrassed at having to pose for this picture, at people looking at him while it’s happening. Jared’s got a little smile on his face, something so honest it practically knocks the wind out of Jackson. 

“I know. It came in really handy today. So. Thank you.” 

Jared’s still looking at Evan when he says, “Any time.”

4\. 

“Baaaaaaaabe,” Connor groans. 

“What!”

“You _know_ what.”

They’re sitting in Connor’s living room watching _Ocean's Eleven_ because Connor had never seen it (“just so we’re clear here, I’m watching this for Matt Damon,” he’d said), but so far he’s spent the whole movie whining about Jackson wearing one of his sweatshirts.

“It’s comfy!” Jackson insists. 

“I know it is. It is mine, after all.” Jackson would worry, because he knows Connor can be protective of his things, but this whole routine appears to be about 98% performative joking, so he’s keeping the hoodie for the rest of the night. It’s soft. And it smells like Connor, which he knows is entirely because of the sheer volume of Lush products Connor uses at any given time, but it works out to a very specific scent and it’s. Nice. God. He can practically _hear_ Ivan saying “ _Gayyyyyyyyyy”_ for that thought, as if Ivan’s got any room to talk. 

“Pay attention to the movie! You're missing out on very important background on George Clooney and Julia Roberts!” 

“I genuinely don't think I could care less about them as a couple if I wanted to.”

“Just you wait for the ending,” Jackson says smugly, because yeah, normally he doesn’t give a shit about straight couples in movies, but this is _Ocean's Eleven._ It’s different. 

“Ooh what are we watching?” Jared asks as he walks into the living room, Evan right behind him. 

“Jackson’s got me watching action movies,” Connor says dramatically, sighing heavily. 

“You loved _Inception.”_ Connor mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like “Everyone in _Inception_ was hot,” and Jackson chokes. “ _Anyway,”_ Jackson proceeds. “We’re watching _Ocean’s Eleven_.”

“Oh hell yes, this movie is ridiculous,” Jared says, sitting down. “I’m in.” Jackson doesn’t miss the Look Connor and Evan give each other. 

“Okay, Evan, back me up,” Jackson says, because Evan’s been quiet the whole time and he knows sometimes Evan just needs someone to go the extra mile and include him for him to open up. “Connor’s being a total baby about me stealing his hoodie.”

“Ha! So you admit it’s stolen.” 

“I never denied the stealing, I’m just saying I’m justified. Boyfriend privileges.” 

“I let you finish my fries yesterday and this is how you repay me?” Connor says. Jared clicks his tongue, though Jackson suspects it’s less about taking sides and more that Jared loves drama. 

“Hey, why don’t you ever let me finish your fries?” Jared asks Evan. Evan frowns.

“What fries?”

“Well _if_ we got fries, I bet you wouldn’t let me finish them.” 

“They’d be _my_ fries, Jared,” Evan says, and he’s sounds so serious Jackson has to fight not to burst out laughing. Connor seems amused as well, giving Jackson a knowing smile. 

“But you get what I’m saying, right Evan?”

“About the clothes sharing? I don’t, I’m not sure I’m qualified to answer that?” 

“You’re wearing Jared’s shirt right now,” Jackson says, pointing even though his dad always says ‘ _pointing is rude.’_

Evan looks down, surprised, like he had no idea what he was wearing.

“Is it? I didn’t realize, I mean, I wasn’t trying to, I-” he pauses, closing his eyes tight and making himself go back, collect his thoughts, re-group and return. “I think this is probably the shirt you got ketchup all over so mom threw it in the wash,” Evan tells Jared. “It must have gotten mixed up in my clothes, I wouldn’t have, I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry, I can go change and wash it again, I’ll get it back to you soon,” Evan’s babbling so rapidly Jackson can barely follow, but Jared appears to be fluent in Evan Hansen. 

“Evan relax, I don’t care. It looks uh, better on you anyway,” he adds with a cough, looking away and turning bright red. Jackson snorts, then turns back to Connor, vindicated. 

“See? Jared doesn’t mind.”

“If I based every decision in my life on what Jared does or doesn't do,” Connor starts, but doesn’t finish, because Jared launches a throw pillow at him. “Hey!” Connor laughs, throwing it right back, bracing for more. “No offense, dude. I’m just good being me.” 

He says it so casually, like he says it all the time, like it’s a fact everyone knows, but Connor being calmly and sincerely happy with who he is is nothing short of the best news ever. Jackson kisses him before he even thinks about it. When he pulls away, Connor has an eyebrow raised, but he seems happy all the same. 

“Fine. You can keep the sweatshirt.” 

Jackson punches the air in triumph. 

5.

This is probably the most awful and embarrassing conversation Jackson has ever had to make happen, but he doesn’t know who else to go to, so unfortunately Jared is just going to have to deal. He doesn't call this time. Instead, he invites Jared to get coffee with him. Hopefully paying for Jared’s drink will make him more amenable to this discussion.

“Okay. So. Spill. Obviously you haven’t invited me to this esteemed Starbucks just to buy me overpriced bean water, so tell me what’s up.”

They’ve collected their drinks, and Jared is moving towards a table. Jackson closes his eyes and says, “Actually I was thinking we could go for a walk?” 

“O-kayyyy,” Jared agrees slowly. When Jackson opens his eyes, Jared is giving him a weird look, and yeah, that’s fair. “Jesus, did you _kill_ someone?” 

“No, shhh, obviously I didn’t commit murder.” They make their way outside, and Jackson feels a little better instantly.

“There’s no ‘obviously’ here, you’re being really weird.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry, I'm just, I’m psyching myself up, okay?”

“Sure dude. Take your time I guess, I don’t have plans.” Jackson’s not sure whether he means it or if he’s actually very busy today, and instantly feels bad. 

“Sorry, I know you have a life and giving me advice isn’t your job or anything, I know that, I’m sorry and I hope you don’t think I’ve been taking advantage of you because you’ve been so nice, I so appreciate you and-”

“Wow you could give Evan a run for his money,” Jared interrupts. “Jackson. I said it was fine. You’re all good. Go ahead and say whatever weird creepy thing is on your mind.” 

“How do I go about STI testing?” he blurts out, then actually physically covers his mouth because holy _shit,_ he meant to ease into this. “Oh my god, noooo no let me backtrack, hang on.” He takes a deep breath. “So like...so Connor and I haven’t- we haven’t like, _done_ anything yet, but it’s, well, we almost- it’s definitely moving that direction. Uh, kind of very quickly.” Jackson can feel how red he is, is pretty sure Jared’s reflecting that right back. Neither of them is looking at the other. “But uh, neither of us has...well quite frankly we’re both a little freaked out, and Connor wants us to both get tested before we go any further, and I was just wondering if you’d ever done anything like that or like, if you had any other advice or anything, I don’t know, I’ll just leave now, goodbye forever.”

“No, no it’s fine,” Jared says, voice sounding strangled, higher than usual. He glances at Jared and his eyes are wide, face flushed. “I uh, unfortunately...well, Evan and I haven’t exactly gotten there either? So I don’t know how much help I’ll be? I can like, look into it for you, send you what I find.”

“Oh, that would be great actually, uh, thank you,” he says, equally flustered. “Sorry, I know this is all very weird, I swear I’m normally a much more put together person.”

“You’re fine, dude. I don’t mind, I just wish I could help you out more.” He laughs, nervous. “We are All gay virgins, y’know?” It’s a dumb joke, but things had been so awkward and tense that Jackson is absolutely fucking howling, which Jared seems pleased about. “Look, I should probably go,” he says at last. “But uh, it's been real, thanks for the coffee, and I’ll let you know what an extensive Google search yields.” 

“Yeah, of course, thanks Jared. You’re a good friend.”

“Oh, I’m the best,” Jared agrees. He gets up to leave, but not before adding, “Good luck! I’ll bake you a ‘Congrats on the Sex’ cake, just give me a call.”

“Jared, no-” but he’s already down the street, leaving Jackson to process (and torment himself over) what the hell just happened. 

+1

Evan had joined Jackson and Connor midway through their _Arrested Development_ marathon/Hot chocolate night. Connor was feeling a bit down, and Jackson wasn’t feeling too hot himself, so they’d decided to have a chill night in together. Evan had come downstairs about three hours into season one and asked quietly if he could sit with them. He had seemed sad about something, so they’d quickly assured him he was welcome. He’d brightened up a bit as the evening wore on, but a few episodes later, Connor had declared, “Evan, you need hot chocolate,” and disappeared into the kitchen. 

With Connor away and Evan right here next to him, significantly cheered by the tv and the companionship (and, probably, by the promise of cocoa), Jackson makes up his mind to ask what had been on his mind for weeks.

“Hey, Evan?”

“Yeah?”

“How...how do you say I love you?”

Evan looks at him in confusion. “Oh, uh...” 

“Like I’m _certain_ about it, that’s not the problem. And I’m almost positive that he's ready to hear it, that’s not a problem either, I just. How am I supposed to get up the nerve to actually say it, you know?” 

Evan smiles at him. “That’s so great, that’s- Connor will be so happy, I know he will, he, he cares about you a lot.” Then he sighs, mood shifting suddenly. “I’m the wrong person to ask this question, though.”

“Well, how did you tell Jared? I mean, I know he _knows,_ but-”

“He KNOWS?!” Evan squawks. He looks absolutely horrified, color draining from his face.

That...that is not something Jackson had expected. 

“Uh. Well. Yeah? I’m pretty sure he does, you two are, well, you both, you’re...are you not...”

“He’s my best friend,” Evan says softly, and Jackson can practically see the entire past eight months flash before his eyes. 

“OH MY GOD ARE YOU TWO NOT DATING?”

Evan shrinks a little. “Uh. No?”

“Holy shit.” Jackson is aware he’s being kind of rude, but seriously, his entire worldview was just shattered. There's a couple of accepted truths in his world: he loves his family, he loves Connor, he plays hockey and takes a tap class, and Jared Kleinman and Evan Hansen are dating. Easy facts that he just _knows_ without even having to consider them. 

Except apparently he _should_ have considered them, because Evan is giving Jackson a terrified, wide-eyed look and squeaking out, “No, no, we’re not- he isn’t, god am I really that obvious, oh my god he _knows,_ of course he knows, he knows I, that I, oh my god how long do you think he-”

“Whoa whoa, is everything okay?” Connor asks as he re-enters the living room, mug overflowing with whipped cream in one hand, looking concerned. He hands the mug off to Evan. “Hey, I called-”

“Did you break Evan?” a voice asks, and Evan freezes.

“Jared,” he whispers. 

“Yeah, hi, Connor called me because he said you seemed down and thought I could maybe cheer you up, I can go if you want though, it’s okay. What’s wrong?”

Jackson looks from Jared to Connor to Evan, and then Evan bursts into tears. 

“Shit,” Jackson, Connor, and Jared say at the same time. 

“Hey, hey, please don’t cry, it’s okay, I’m here,” Jared says quickly, rushing to Evan’s side. “What’s wrong?” 

Evan has tears rolling down his face, but he isn’t the noisiest crier, and he composes himself quickly enough, enough to say, voice cracking and frying and squeaking all over the place, “Well if you already know, if _everyone_ knows, I might as well just, I should,” He takes a deep breath. “There’s something I have to tell you.” 

_We should go_ Jackson mouths to Connor, who nods, casting another worried look at Evan and Jared. Jared looks worried too, leaning in to Evan as if he’s trying to protect him, even subconsciously. And even though Evan is upset, is weeping...Jackson knows this is one thing that’s going to turn out alright in the end. He knows beyond any shadow of a doubt, thinks back on some of the things Jared had said to him in the previous weeks and knows Evan has absolutely nothing to be afraid of.

He and Connor dart out of the room quickly, barely hearing Jared’s, “whatever it is, you can tell me, Evan, it’s okay,” as they race upstairs to Connor’s room.

“Okay, can you explain to me what the _fuck_ just happened?” 

“So. I sort of. Assumed Evan and Jared were dating? Like, since before you and I even got together?” Connor snorts, gestures for Jackson to go on. “So I’ve been like...god, I’ve been soliciting relationship advice from them for _months._ ”

“Holy shit.”

“I know. But just a second ago, I asked Evan about- about something, and I must have finally worded it in a way that was no longer as ambiguous as I must have been before, and Evan sort of flipped. And then Jared came in and...it was just a big old mess.”

“Wow,” Connor says. “Wow, that’s. That’s a lot.” He glances at the door, like he’s thinking about going back downstairs. “Do you think he’ll be okay?”

“I _think_ that there’s a reason I thought they were dating, rather than that Evan had feelings for him. I think they’ll work this out.” 

Connor smiles. “God, if they can finally sort this out and kiss already? That would be revolutionary. You’ll be a hero to this family, and without even trying, too.”

Jackson laughs weakly, collapsing back onto Connor’s bed. “Still, I feel pretty shitty about the way it happened. Poor Evan.”

Connor hums in agreement, then looks thoughtful, lying down beside Jackson. “What did you ask him?”

“What?”

“What did you ask Evan that freaked him out so much?”

Oh. _Oh._ He might have known this would come back to haunt him. 

“Well,” he takes a deep breath, takes the plunge, takes the chance and says, “I was asking him how to tell you I love you.”

“Oh.” 

They’re both quiet a moment. 

“You do?” Connor asks at last. 

Jackson nods, then remembers they're both lying down. “Yeah. I do.”

“Say it,” Connor whispers.

“I love you,” Jackson says, and wonders why he ever thought this was hard. 

“I love you too.” Jackson beams, rolls over and kisses Connor, kisses him again, again, loses track of time and numbers and where he stops and Connor begins, kisses Connor like it’s all that matters because it _is._

 _“HOLY SHIT!”_ Zoe yells suddenly from downstairs. 

“Zoe!” Evan yells after her, but Jackson can hear her running up the stairs, and then she’s pounding on the bedroom door.

“CONNOR! CONNOR! THEY’RE KISSING! JARED AND EVAN ARE KISSING! CONNOR!” Connor laughs and presses his forehead to Jackson’s, catches his breath. 

“I love you,” he says one more time, and Jackson kisses him again. 

“I love you too.”

With that, they leave the privacy of the room behind in favor of Zoe’s yelling, of Cynthia and Heidi’s twin excitement and insistence that they get an ice cream cake to celebrate the occasion, of Jared’s warring emotions of “blushing” and “impossibly happy” and “smug smile”, of the way Evan looks winded and like he just won a million dollars all at once. He takes Connor’s hand and squeezes it once. 

“Are you proud?” he asks Connor, who looks delighted at the turn of events. 

“Very,” he says. He leans in for a quick kiss, sees Jared do the same out of the corner of his eye. And while he still feels perhaps a bit stupid for not catching on sooner? He kind of wouldn’t have this night any other way. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Follow me on tumblr at mlbevan.tumblr.com and stay tuned for more fic soon!


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